Okay so real strippers are boring soulless husks.

Yes the internet is filled with things that in fact blow my mind. One is not girls dancing on stripper poles. I mean for fucks sake most 19 year old girls can do that is they drink enough. (OKAY ACT LIKE 19 YEAR OLD GIRLS DON'T GET DRUNK!!!!!) But today is a new great day for the internet. Yes because I finally found something else sexy on it...

http://
EMBED-Hot Chick Is A Pole-Dancing Ninja - Watch more free videos

I don't think that will embed right but who cares no one reads these anyway! My only fear is I'd go to put a dollar in her undies and I'd come out with no hand. Poor lefty... He never stood a chance.

FUCK I DIDN"T MAKE IT UP!!!

First watch this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3bCEhHgTLc&feature=player_embedded

Oh good are you done crying? Yeah not me. If there is any chance of that dude being a part of sex I've just quit. I mean it was bad enough that there are teeth in girl parts let alone that guy! What do you mean there are no teeth? YES! Sharp teeth that want to bite my junk off and try and make me into a girl. It is like a zombie plague but they trick you with their sex! I'll punch your sex right in the face. And I'll rip aids giant floppy ear plugs out! Okay now back to crying!

I hope her feet spit acid as well...

So most dudes love a chick in heels. Me I love a chick in heels that look like they are going to lay babies in my stomach and burst out of me!

I'm not sure what girl wears these but I'm pretty sure I want her to have my children. And she will either work at comic book conventions or just serve me beer and she will be blond and Asian... OH SHUT UP! I don't ruin your dream girl do I? Fine well my other dream girl is your mom! BLAAAAAAAM! GOT YOU!

http://www.greatwhitesnark.com/2010/09/29/designer-alien-shoes/

Why when I was a young boy I was a bit of a nerd. (I KNOW! The shock almost killed me as well) And I happened to play a little game called Magic the Gathering. Yes it is true why I would use slow moving blue and white decks. Yep walk up to the comic book store and play my little games never knowing that in the long run it would keep me from seeing a girl naked with out high speed internet a ladder or a cover charge...

But honestly it seems like some girl has found her way into my teenage dream journal. (BACK OFF IT IS NOT A DIARY!) In any case here she is on this link...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/zombieianbrooks/magic-the-gathering-dress-1ldk

Well I guess boys will have something to touch themselves to besides the Serra Angels picture.

What is less than a zero suit?

Below are pictures of some girl that did a little strip show in the theme of Samus from Metriod. First where is this going on? Second is it BYOB? Third do I need to type in a code to get to see this?

Wait Sweetie! Can you keep the Helmet on?

I hate how much bigger her gun is...

Is it weird I can't wait for the part where she turns into a ball? Down the street at this club where dudes strip I heard some guy is doing the same show as Mega Man...

Just weird that a girl is Samus am I right? (OF COURSE I KNOW SAMUS IS A GIRL! HOW DO THINK I DISCOVERED MYSELF!!!) Honestly I just wish she was a little more 8-bit. I mean I can make out all her features. Next time make your body out of legos.

One of these things is just like the other?

What do you think is the same about this picture?



NO THEY ARE NOT BOTH PIGS! ALSO NO THEY ARE BOTH NOT MADE OF FELT! YES!!! You in the back they do both have big racks. Which makes me rethink a few moments in my childhood and the show Muppet Babies?

Oh Poor Katy Perry! OH POOR YOU!!!! WAHHH!!! Everyone can get over the outrage of her not being on a kids show. Her sex tape will be out later this year. Which is weird because it is with these two...

Bikes got Cool Again!

So I never learned how to ride a bike. (DON"T JUDGE! I was busy doing other things like playing video games and enjoying cupcakes.) But with this bike you can see below this I might have too...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqCueUsZ7rg&feature=player_embedded

Yes think of how amazing life would be with flame throwers on the handlebars. Seriously I'd watch the Tour de France if I knew one a stage there would be at least one guy on fire. Have you ever smelt a burning Frenchmen? No? No one? That is fine make me feel like the awkward one. Plus I know girls normally go for guys with motorcycles but I think a motorcycle that doesn't have at least a part from a tank on it is now riding bitch. And let us not forget the X-Games. Oh sorry Dave Mirra I can't here you with my seat lodged in your jaw! Clearly it is the must have Christmas gift of the year already!